to callie
9/13/12 - 9/9/24
yesterday we went to the beach
our bodies swarmed with mosquitos
your legs gave out and we all took turns carrying you down the trail
all 72lbs of you
and after what felt like forever, we finally lay you in the water
you collapsed into me panting.
we went to this same beach last year and we ran for hours
you'd jump through the waves like a giant white bunny
today we had to call the ranger to get you back to the car
my sweet girl of 12 years
youve been with me through it all
and i hate that we bear the same trauma
the way you would bark at my partner and wedge yourself between us when we play fought or wrestled
you saw it all as what our dad did to mom
i wish i couldve carried those burdens for you
maybe you were here to carry part of it for me
we were survivors, together.
we came home from the beach and you fell asleep on your bed like you did after every beach trip
you melted into your bed with a smile and i knew you were dreaming of the crashing waves.
the doctor came and you offered her a weak hello
you fell asleep in my arms and thats all you'll ever know... it was just like any other day.
i keep scratching the bites on my arms knowing they'll be gone soon too
i cant bear to lose anything else.
